How to Pay Attention
Loud thoughts clamor for your attention - learn to pay attention to all thoughts, not just the loud ones
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The previous note talked of the importance of Paying Attention .
This one describes how we can pay more attention than we do today. My walk this morning offers an illustration.
I walked past a busy road and then through a tropical rain forest. It was early morning so many birds called, some very loudly. I paid attention to my breath and noted that sometimes I didn’t finish a breath – it stopped short and I had to focus on it before my breathing became regular.
As I paid attention to my breath, the birds got very loud, my stride slowed, and I observed water glistening on a leaf. I tried not to think about what I saw. But my mind wandered, and as I found myself thinking about what I wanted to say in this note, my pace quickened, and I didn’t notice the birds. When I brought my attention back to my breath, the birds become loud once again.
Paying attention
why we don’t practice
You may have recognized that I was trying to walk mindfully. When we are mindful, we pay attention to everything that is happening around and within us. Writing on leadership describes the benefits of mindfulness. Yet, when I ask my participants how many meditate or have a mindfulness practice, few respond positively. I use the term “paying attention” here, partly to avoid any negative reactions you may have to “mindfulness.”
My participants know that paying attention is useful because we discuss it in our sessions, but they still don’t practice it. In many of my programs people come together for several days, then go away for weeks before coming back together again. When we first meet, we practice paying attention and people leave intending to practice in the weeks when they are at home.
When we meet next, I ask how many people practiced diligently. Usually, the answer is – very few. They describe stories that go like this: I woke up late on one day and felt I should rush to my next appointment. I didn’t practice that day. Two days went by without practicing and it was harder to start again. Soon I discovered I hadn’t practiced for weeks.
My participants often look puzzled when they recount this because it feels like nothing dramatic happened. One day became several and practice fell by the wayside.
Paying attention requires noticing all thoughts – not just the loud ones
It’s a mistake to try and do “paying attention” like we do any other exercise. When you first start going to the gym, you concentrate on doing it. You clear your calendar and mentally prepare yourself to go. Similarly, when you do “paying attention”, you concentrate – you set the alarm, find a separate room, make yourself comfortable and then, “pay attention.”
When you concentrate, some thoughts get through to you. I call these loud thoughts; they clamor for your attention.
“This is not working. This is a waste of time. It’s never going to work for me.”
“It’s just a bad day today; I’m going to get to this tomorrow.”
“I have to do an unnecessary rewrite of the project which will take time and is making me angry.”
It doesn’t matter whether these thoughts are true or not. As you concentrate on the loud thoughts, you don’t pay attention to other thoughts you could have. For example:
“I managed to start a walking routine after several false starts because I persevered.”
“The last time I did my ‘paying attention’ exercises in the morning, the day went much better than I expected.”
“The anger I’m feeling is probably clouding my decision about whether I should do my exercises.”
An alternative
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Paying attention requires us to notice what is happening within and around us. We get better at it by practicing. However, when practice becomes a task, we find reasons not to do it and we fail to make it a practice.
Instead of seeing this as a task that you need to complete once or twice a day, try this. When you can, stop for a few minutes, sit comfortably, breathe and pay attention to your breathing. When your breath has settled, think first about what is happening around you, but don’t get lost in everything you have to do. Instead, think of the first concrete step you will take.
Then focus on what is going through you – for every loud thought “our company could collapse,” think other thoughts as well. “We are good for the next few weeks.” “We have a plan.” “I can ask X for help.”
Watching Thoughts talks about how to handle your thoughts. In the interim, if your thoughts overwhelm you, write to me.
