Paying Attention

Pay attention to what’s happening inside and around you, especially in stressful times.

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“Pay attention”, a teacher or a parent might have said to us, usually trying to get us to concentrate on something. And maybe from then on, paying attention became hard work, it became about concentrating.

Sometimes, when we get into “the flow”, concentration can be effortless. A friend of mine tells me that when he writes code, nothing gets through to him. Not his partner asking him if he wants a coffee, a phone ringing, or his child crying – he is in the flow.

Concentrating when you’re in the flow, doesn’t feel like hard work. It helps you get things done. But it’s not what I mean by paying attention, it’s the opposite.

A friend of mine told me he had gotten into trouble with his boss. When I asked him what had happened, he said, “you know me Narayan. I’m a skeptical guy. My colleagues said we were just a day or so away from showing that a key product worked. But for three months one or the other thing went wrong with the tests. So I asked questions, even after it was obvious that no one had answers. So my boss got upset.”

My friend had concentrated hard on the challenges facing his company. He burned personal time and weekends to think of options, not just in his department, but for the whole company. He felt angry that his ideas had been ignored.

Though he concentrated on what he was doing, he wasn’t paying attention to what was happening around him or inside him.

Around him, in California, everything was locked down due to the spread of Covid-19. Going out for groceries felt risky. Yet, some of his colleagues were still going in to work, because they worked in a lab and needed to run tests. My friend chose to stay at home because his physical presence at work wasn’t needed.

Inside him, he felt uncomfortable both about his colleagues being at work and his being at home. His colleagues at work weren’t really distancing or wearing masks, defeating the purpose of the lockdown. This annoyed him. Further, he felt guilty about staying at home and missing out on the big push to get results.

He also didn’t pay attention to what may have been happening to his boss. His boss, the company’s founder, must have been under tremendous stress. He was a recent immigrant from a country that was often attacked by the US President. Also, during the Covid-19 lockdown, stories about funding losses for startups were spreading. His boss and his boss’ wife had given up potentially high-paying jobs and risked everything for this startup. They were also expecting their first child.

If my friend had paid attention to what was happening around him and inside him, he would have acted differently. I know that because the evidence says so. Paying attention is like being mindful. We know that people who are mindful, function better. I also have personal experience of this.

I sent a note to a colleague who forwarded it to others without asking me. In the note, I had forcefully listed actions we should take to deal with Covid-19. At the end, I added a sentence that said, “colleagues who didn’t want to try new things, should be fired.” I know that wasn’t helpful. I did it because I wasn’t paying attention.

What was happening around me was that all our programs had stopped. Few programs could be transferred online, and revenues dropped dramatically. The last time this had happened was 2008, when I was responsible for our programs. So, within me I was anxious to contribute to current discussions about what we should do, because I felt my experience from 2008 might help. In my anxiety, I became unproductive.

Things got better the moment I paid attention. I wrote again saying, “please don’t feel the need to respond, as I am sure you have other things on your mind. But, if there’s anything I can do to help, please ask.” There were places I could help; they told me where; and we worked better together.

When I paid attention, I was better able to use my own resources. For instance, I find the “Serenity Prayer” helps me. It says:

“God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.”

This helps me become practical and I stop obsessing about things I cannot change. Some people think it recommends giving up. I don’t see it like that. I see it as telling me to focus on things within my control, which I find helpful.

A final reminder, we need to pay attention both to what is happening outside and inside us. Ignoring either, leaves us open to being blindsided.

In the next note, I describe how we can improve our attention.